Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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