I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
