I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
