his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
