I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
