I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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