I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You pole danced in your parka.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
