I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
