I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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