Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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