I'm so fucking centered right now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
