and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
