If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
