Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
