She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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