Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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