i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
