i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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