And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
