So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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