and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize