Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
