I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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