then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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