I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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