I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
