even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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