just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
