So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
