i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
