you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
