sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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