I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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