My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
