You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize