I accidentally had phone sex last night
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
