ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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