If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
