im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
