Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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