i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Acid is not a monday night drug
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
