Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
