His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
