sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
