Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
