i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
