I will die if light touches me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
