It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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