i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
