There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
