I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
