I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
