you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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