Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
