I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
