Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
