Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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