who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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