I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
