What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
