Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
