He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
