had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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