I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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