I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
