I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
