Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
